At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
