Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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