The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
