he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
