dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
