Apparently you make a good broom.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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