my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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