okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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