Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
