I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
