hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
there is glitter all over my balls
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
