don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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