I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my sisters under your porch take her home
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
