Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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