Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
