Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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