I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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