all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
