I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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