the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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