I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
