He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
