He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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