Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
