he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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