Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
