Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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