her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize