i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
