I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
