words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
