can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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