dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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