how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize