YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
