All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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