just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
