I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
