Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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