i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
