I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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