How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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