i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
