Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
