she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Houston, we have a blender
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
