oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
