Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
