Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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