Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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