you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Randomize
