his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
