i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you had me at cake vodka
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
