Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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