You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I intend to get homeless drunk
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
