Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
