the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
