Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There r osticjed everywhere
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
