I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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