the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
