just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
