We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
