Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
