is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
