She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
