Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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