Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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