your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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